Graduation Reflections and Other School News

by Frank Bartolomeo, Executive Director

After what seemed to be a long, cold winter, spring weather has finally begun to arrive in Western Massachusetts. In March 09, we graduated seven students. The following are excerpts from my opening remarks at the Commencement Ceremony.

The process of change, growth, transformation, whatever we wish to call it, is not magical, nor easy, nor quick--nor is it over. If your child is a changed person today, it is because he or she chose it. And before they could choose to change, they had to assume responsibility for the condition of their lives and what it had become prior to ASR. Which meant they had to stop blaming others, making excuses, cast off their "victim" persona, stop putting their energy into opposing either through outward protest or surreptitious subversion of efforts to help them fulfill their potential.

It takes many people to create the conditions in which willful adolescents can choose change. As the African proverb goes, "it takes a village to raise a child." Thus I want to acknowledge those who comprise the village of ASR. In the beginning there was the Admissions staff who helped you to make the decision to choose ASR, then there are the Pathways staff, the residential supervisors and mentors, and the night staff. I must acknowledge the teachers, the therapists, the nurses as well as Richard Champoux and Peter Stevens.

I also need to acknowledge the behind the scenes people like our maintenance staff, and our administrative support staff. I am grateful for the Sage dining crew, and a special thank you to Brenda Stokes and Mark Piaget for their hard work in preparing and arranging our commencement ceremony today.

To all of the staff at Academy at Swift River, no matter what your role or duties, your work is your love made visible, and THAT is the special sauce of the Academy at Swift River.

As is tradition, here are some factoids about this March 5, 2009 graduating class.

Commencement ceremonies honor the graduates and offer a time to acknowledge parents and families. The courage of parents. The courage of parents. I am so mindful of your strength and courage to have made the decision you did. I hope I don't offend any parents when I say that in general parents are the most difficult part of the work here. This is due in large measure to the fact that many parents enroll their child with the belief that ONLY their child needs to do some changing. Well, pretty quickly we dispossess parents of that idea, with the frequent result that parents then become change-resistant. But if you are here today—and your child has made significant changes—there is a very good chance that you have done your work of changing; for often we see that as the family grows so does the student. And in many cases it is the child at ASR who the catalyst for change. Thus the student arrives at ASR the "identified problem" in the family system and evolves to be the identified healer.

But today I am mindful not of the headaches that parents can induce but of your courage and strength. I am especially mindful because this week one of our families experienced a tragedy. We learned this week that the 14-year-old sister of one of our students died of an accidental drug overdose. The father had arranged for his younger daughter to enter a rehab on Monday, and she, knowing this, went on the not uncommon pre-rehab binge. She sneaked out a window on Saturday night and was found dead at a friend's house on Sunday. A parent's worse nightmare. Last week I was in Manhattan giving a presentation to a group of mental health professionals and when I mentioned therapeutic wilderness programs, and the role that escorts play in getting treatment resistant teens there, an audience member commented on how cruel and traumatizing he thought that practice is: as he put it: "two goons arriving in the middle of the night." How easy it is to make judgment when you have not stood in the shoes of the other. I tried to correct his perception of these goons and also raised the risks involved when teens know that are being placed in treatment. And on Monday we learned of the death of a 14-year-old girl two days before she was to enter rehab. How sad, and how tragic.

The courage of parents. The courage of parents. Your courage. Courage born of love. I don't think any of our graduates will ever underestimate the lengths that their parents will go to keep them healthy and alive.

Today, you are at the end of this journey of sorrow and joy and you are at the start of another. I wish that I could promise that your child will never again be a source of worry and pain and that every day will be like today—a day of celebration and pride—but that would be a form of denial of the inherent risks of loving others especially our children. What I can tell you is that you have given your children a great gift, a gift born of sacrifice, hope, and most of all, love.

In other ASR news, it saddens me to report that Karen McCann, Director of Residential Life, needed to resign from ASR in March for health-related reasons. Karen worked at ASR for nearly five years first as a residential mentor, then residential supervisor, then Director of Residential Life. We wish the very best for Karen and hope that she will return to us in some capacity when she is fully mended.

I am pleased to say that residential supervisor Kevin Linker has agreed to accept the position of Director of Residential Life. Kevin brings many years of experience with youth in group care settings and has been at ASR for two years.

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